I am starting to get addicted to blogging, who would have said that? Not me, for sure! I keep finding my mind busy looking for new lines to be written! What a great feeling! I will stick to life experiences for a while as it is where my head is at the moment. Nature, music and Ireland will have to wait!
I have been trying to learn to cope with the little voices over my shoulder for as far as I can remember. I have to admit that I have not succeeded in murdering them, as they keep popping up! However, I am on the right path! I have been through different phases, gaining the strength to deal with them.
Rather than calling them those little voices I decided to name them as “those little gremlins” a few years ago. I think it suits them better! They were very powerful and could lead my thoughts to a dark corner nearly effortlessly. Nasty little creatures! So unreal but at the same time so persuasive. They just turned up out of the blue to take control of my mind. It requires great strength to silence them as well as huge will of steel to get rid of them. Once you dressed yourself with willpower everything is possible!
Those little voices were the ones that went straight to the core of my self-esteem. The ones that used to bring loneliness tsunamis. The ones that took over the positive approach to life. The ones that made me feel not worth it. The ones that fed both guilt and shame. Tiny but devastating. Those nasty little creatures!
It has taken me time to learn how to live with them. Shutting them up forever may look like impossible mission. I have moved from letting them take control of my here and now to just welcome them and then wave goodbye to them. There was also an intermediate phase when I tried to fight against their presence, shouting at them thinking that would work and those gremlins would disappear. It didn’t work though, moreover they were getting stronger as I was fueling them with my anger. Admitting that the whole situation had turned into a draining loop gently guided me to a new mentally healthier approach: those little gremlins are just tiny and weak!
Despite them still being around every now and again, I am the boss! Whenever those little gremlins dare to appear, I greet them and immediately kindly instruct them to leave. I do not want to waste my time, they are not worthy as I am, and I definitely have better things to do! I am now in charge, so the power is in my hands. It may sound foolish but they know it! Those little gremlins are now aware that they can no longer rule my life! With my determination I have managed to weaken them! Amazingly amazing!
It is just a matter of strengthening the self-esteem so living together is not such a great deal. Believe me, it is possible! It will not happen overnight but eventually the vicious circle will be interrupted. From then on, life will move from a darker shade of grey to the full bright rainbow. Valuing myself has provided me with the ability to make sure those little gremlins know they are not welcome to linger around anymore. I will not encourage them to sit down for a cup of tea. They will just come and go.
Once you believe in yourself, the impossible becomes possible!!!
Jay Cee Moon ©