…I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses…
Oops, I did it again! September has flown by so quickly, janey mack! When I thought I would have plenty of time to work on my new blog post, I find myself with only four days left. Saying I am a bit under pressure is just an understatement, that is for sure. The clock is ticking; the countdown is moving fast, the panic is embracing me. If that was not enough, I feel a lot under the weather, the joys of autumn viruses dancing around; it is that time of the year again. Hopefully, my inspiration is going to come along and give me a hand (a handful of hands, indeed) so I can get this blog done and dusted before the day comes to an end. I am still determined to accomplish my target of ten blog posts published in 2025! Only four to go, confident that I will meet my deadlines. Let’s get number seven started…
….Oops, I did it again! …
My head is buzzing, unfortunately not with great ideas. I am in bed with a heavy cold or some sort of flu, so badly timed. The viruses could have waited just a couple of days, couldn’t they? That would have been nice, but no, here they are to make things more difficult for me, super. From the window of our bedroom, all I can see is a damp, dull, grey, cold and rainy day. It is lashing, the wind is howling, and the clouds are going nowhere. The symphony of raindrops falling is a great soundtrack to have in the background: raindrops are falling on my roof… The shadows of winter are threatening to spread their tentacles over the autumn vibes. After stunning sunny weather yesterday, one wakes up to a miserable day like today, as a cruel reminder of what is ahead of us: long dark days, baltic cold spells, wet and windy days, a long list of storms and who knows what else. I think I will hang on to those summer memories, when we could have dinner al fresco in our courtyard, as Imbolc seems to be too far away.
…raindrops are falling on my roof…
My usual cupán tae, a candle flickering away, together with a glass of water, lots of tissues, a load of lozenges, plenty of paracetamol, a thick blanket and of course, Chief Superintendent Smudge the cat looking after me (well, well, well, she is snoring her head off, as cats do, so she may be oblivious to my poor state, hilarious). It looks like the servant services only go one way, her way! Her ears are up, better get down to business or she will wake up to give me one of her looks, lol.
…I want to break free…
I know it is such a cliché to quote those words from Oscar Wilde “be yourself, everyone else is taken” but the truth is he was dead right. I was brought up with the importance of keeping the appearances engraved on my skin, on my behaviour, on my thinking, on my existence, on my mind. Everything was carefully sieved through what others would say, talk about, or even criticise. Everything was meticulously screened by the eyes of what others would judge, understand or even imagine. Everything was rigorously examined to avoid others gossiping, spreading rumours or even misjudging. I was constantly reminded to behave wherever I was. I was insistently reminded to follow the standards of society. I was persistently reminded to ensure I was saying the right thing. Moreover, I was often instructed not to dare to be different. I was sometimes instructed not to get off the beaten track. I was occasionally instructed not to be bold nor do what I wanted. Because at the end of the day, appearances always matter, always go first, appearances always win… I want to break free…
…l shake it off, I shake it off (whoo-hoo-hoo)…
The stigma of keeping the appearances was so deeply rooted on me that it took a few decades to rub it off. I had to relearn to be able to simply do what I wanted without having to worry what others would say. I had to rediscover how to simply not care about what others might think of me. I had to re-educate myself to be comfortable and confident doing what pleased me. I can see clearly now the veil has gone … The guilt was a heavy load over my shoulders as if I was committing a major crime. The shame was a dreadful costume that imprisoned me. The fear was like a dark knight who never let his guard down. However, the relief of releasing myself from years of layers of social facade, the ease of emancipating myself from years of covers of imposed standards, the freedom of freeing myself from years of shields of approved expectations, was priceless! l shake it off, I shake it off (whoo-hoo-hoo)…
…I can see clearly now the veil has gone …
It is an amazing feeling to have the power of detaching yourself from what others will say. It is so empowering to be able to follow your own path without feeling like you have betrayed all your ancestors. It is so rewarding to simply be yourself not owing any sort of explanations to anyone. Do not get me wrong, my words do not imply being rude, cruel or unthoughtful, they only emphasise the importance of being true to yourself rather than trying to please everyone else. A couple of years ago, I came across a t-shirt that said, “I do this thing called whatever I want”, which made me laugh. The truth is that I still have it, it is now at my parents’ house and I use it as my pyjamas top. Needless to say that is the first thing they see of me in the morning, which means I can be me. Oh what a beautiful mornin’, oh what a beautiful day…
…Oh what a beautiful mornin’, oh what a beautiful day…
At the end of the day, we only have one life, keeping up appearances is a waste of precious time. Do not be afraid of being you, of doing what you want to do, of wearing that dress that you love, of singing out loud, of getting off the beaten track, of being bold, of daring to choose your own path, of following your dreams, of being different, of not following those imposed social standards; without worrying about what others will think or say. Do not be scared to be judged, because if anyone wants to condemn you for not keeping up appearances, it means you are doing what you want, you are simply you.
When I do that thing called “whatever I want “it is because I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses…
Jay Cee Moon ©
Jaycee Moon 