It is been a while since my last blog, needless to say my brain has been busy working on this new one. Ideas, words and lines have been boiling up there as if a magic potion was being brewed. A few changes in my life as another dream has come true, greatly unexpected though. And no, I have not published a book yet, I am living in the middle of the countryside! Which means, my dream number three is now covered (https://jayceemoon.com/2020/05/29/dream-big/). I will soon have to arrange a new wish list. We usually forget that life is what happens to us while we are busy making plans, don’t we? With the heavy rain outside, the smell of petrichor is joining me in this new blog.
Let’s focus on the road I had to walk alone otherwise I will easily get lost on the depths of my latest turns and new dreams to be set. I do have to say that when I started the solo path I was confused and scared, but at the same time very determined to go ahead. I just simply knew I had to walk that path, as if I owed it to myself. Willingness can keep you going without you having to question the need of the journey. I tied up the laces of my shoes and there I was, ready to wander the unknown lonely walk of life.
I vaguely remember the early stages, probably because the enjoyment began before I thought it would. Was this due to the fact that I was in desperate need for this solo adventure? I guess so, as being on my own became the best companion I could have wished for at that time. I unexpectedly found myself in the joys of rediscovering me, of understanding my soul, of accepting who I was. What I expected would be a painful pilgrimage, turned out to be a very pleasant endeavour. It is amazing how life can surprise you! I do recall a wise piece of advice of a good Irish friend: “Do not get lost in the obsession of reaching the end of your road otherwise you will miss out the treasure of enjoying each and every step you take.” I kept that in mind along the way, albeit I was seizing the moment even in the toughest turns and bends of my voyage.
Solitude, the big feared one. Doing everything by myself, another concern. My determination made them both fade so I was able to learn to be comfortable on my own skin. I drove thousands of kilometres, I discovered lots of hidden corners along the emerald isle, I walked and walked. I read many books, I wrote down my thoughts, I listened to thousands of songs. I bought food, I cooked delicious meals, I drank wine, gin and red ale. I had my hair and nails done, I purchased a few smart dresses, I got myself nice perfumes. I went on holidays, I treated myself out, I enjoyed the pleasure of coffee and cake many Saturday mornings. I stopped in the middle of the road to take pictures, I went to the beach on stormy nights, I felt the rain on my skin. I bought myself flowers, I relished soapy baths with candles, I savored the guilty pleasure of dark chocolate. I found myself and cherished me being me.
I also came to know that until we are comfortable in our own skin we should not welcome anyone into our lives. We tend to seek love outside rather than loving ourselves first. We ignore our lacks and request others to cover them. I had been expecting others to do what I was supposed to do. That was for sure the most difficult part of my solo path, taking responsibility for my own happiness, for my self-love. What a lesson!
This has been the road I started three years ago today. Many ups and downs, thousands of pictures taken, lots of lessons learnt, tons of great adventures, loads of memories made. Unforgettably unforgettable, no regrets at all! I can only be thankful to have had the chance of mastering the art of accepting myself and being proud of who I have become over the years.
Happy three years anniversary to me & me!
Jay Cee Moon ©